Your aunt won’t stop bragging about her kid at Harvard? Cool. Meanwhile, you’re at Sacramento City College paying $1,500 a year for the same intro to Psych class. Newsflash: Employers don’t care where you took “Biology 101.” I’ve seen community college grads out-earn private school snobs by nailing internships at Tesla. Plus, no one parties like a CC student with a part-time job and zero debt.
Hot Take: Transfer to UCLA later and flex your $80k savings account.
- “Dorm Life Sucks (But Here’s How to Survive)”
Let’s be real: Dorms are glorified prison cells with lofted beds. My roommate once microwaved fish at 2 AM, and I still have trauma. Pro tips:
- Befriend the RA: They’ll ignore your contraband coffee maker.
- Shower Shoes: Trust me, that floor has seen things.
- Fake a Soy Allergy: Gets you first dibs on the edible dining hall food.
Silver Lining: You’ll bond with strangers over shared hatred of the fire drills.
- “Majors That Are Secretly Pyramid Schemes”
Art History: The degree where you pay $200k to learn about dead painters… then work at Starbucks. Gender Studies? Cool if you want to argue on Twitter for free. But the real scam? “Communications”. You know what they call a Communications grad with a job? A miracle.
Save Yourself: Switch to Nursing. You’ll actually get paid to save lives.
- “Online Degrees: Lazy or Genius?”
My buddy Greg got his CompSci degree from WGU while working night shifts at Walmart. Now he codes for Google in sweatpants. Meanwhile, Sarah spent $60k on a fancy campus… and tutors middle schoolers.
Verdict: Online school = cheat code. Just avoid sketchy ones like “University of Phoenix” (aka the MySpace of education).
- “Professors Who Hate You (And How to Outsmart Them)”
Dr. Smith’s 8 AM calculus class? More like a torture session. But here’s how to win:
- Office Hours: Show up with coffee. Suddenly, your D becomes a B-.
- Rate My Professor: If they’re rated “easier than IKEA assembly,” you’re golden.
- The “Family Emergency”: Deploy sparingly.
Note: If they assign a 20-page paper, cry. It works.
- “Textbooks: The Greatest Scam of All Time”
$300 for a “Introduction to Sociology” book you’ll open twice? LOL. Here’s how to rebel:
- LibGen.is: Your moral compass vs. rent money. Choose wisely.
- Chegg: Rent, highlight, return. Repeat.
- Befriend Seniors: Their dusty bookshelf = your treasure trove.
Fun Fact: The textbook industry makes more profit than Google. Let that sink in.
- “Internships: Coffee Runs or Career Gold?”
My “marketing internship” was just fetching oat milk lattes for Karen in HR. But Jake at UT Austin landed a SpaceX gig because he stalked Elon’s LinkedIn. The secret?
- Apply Early: January or get stuck sorting mail.
- LinkedIn Creep: Slide into recruiters’ DMs like, “I’ll work for pizza.”
- Community College Connections: Local businesses > unpaid corporate slavery.
Lesson: If they don’t pay you, walk.
- “Frats vs. Libraries: The GPA Deathmatch”
Brody from Sigma Chi swears frat life is the key to success. But his GPA is 2.3, and he’s majoring in “Beer Pong Engineering.” Meanwhile, library zombies with 4.0s are crying into their energy drinks.
Compromise: Join a academic frat. Yes, they exist. Nerds who party.
- “Transfer Students: The Undercover Geniuses”
Jessica started at Santa Monica College, saved $80k, then transferred to USC. Now she’s interning at Netflix. Meanwhile, Chad from prep school is drowning in debt for the same degree.
Moral: Transferring isn’t “settling”—it’s outsmarting the system.
- “Dropout Billionaires: Why Your Parents Are Terrified”
Mark Zuckerberg ditched Harvard. So did Bill Gates. But unless you’re coding the next Facebook in your dorm, maybe finish that degree.
Reality Check: For every dropout billionaire, there are 10,000 baristas with philosophy degrees
